1 week left of posting here in Ipoh......

Counting the days as it draws nearer to the end of my 1st posting.....

i don't know wether staffs and clients here will miss me, but for sure i'll miss them.... for me, they're great!

Yayasan Sultan Idris Shah has taught me a lot. Not just in physiotherapy knowledge, but knowledge in life.... This place taught me how to live a good life... The disabled taught me how to as strong as them... They also taught me to never give up, like them not giving up to learn how to be independent....

I'm wounded.....

Have you ever been stabbed before? do you know how it feels if a 10tan truck falls directly on top of you? have you ever feel being electricuted with 10k watts of electricity?

imagine put all that together, and it happens to your own heart.... for me, that's how frustration feels like...

After what i've done, you still miss him instead of me?? you only miss to hit me and torture me...

is it still not enough the love i gave you? you know my love is a privilege... why not try to love me instead of remembering things about that jerk?? Am i not good enough? is it because of he's taller and i'm fatter??

u asked me to give you time to forget about him, and i gave you all the time you need... but i can't wait for 5years like before....

u asked me to understand th condition you are in right now, but have you ever tried to understand me? if i can, why not you? is it because all humans are different??

hmm.... what i'm asking you is to think rasionally with your mind... please... i'm begging you... i'm like others, i want to be loved...

You are so not over him...........

Ku tahu sudah banyak kesilapanku sejak dari dulu lagi... ku sudah tahu pengalaman akan mengajar kita.... akan tetapi, ku masih membiarkan ia berlaku... ku sudah memberitahu, yang lepas tu lepas je lah... walau ape pun alasannya... ku mahu kamu bahagia apabila berdamping denganku... tetapi, reaksi yang kamu berikan amat susah untuk menyatakan kamu bahagia bersama ku... adakah tidak mencukupi kasih sayang ku curahkan untuk kamu? adakah kehadiranku menyerabutkan kamu lagi....? adakah kamu perlukan masa lagi? apa perlu ku buat supaya kamu sayang padaku...? ku bersyukur kerna kamu menghargai diri ku kerna belum ada orang lain menghargai ku seperti kamu menghargai ku...

tiap-tiap hari ku berdoa supaya pintu hatimu terbuka untuk menerima ku... ku juga berdoa agar dia jodoh ku, ibu bapa dpat menerimanya dan ibu bapanye menerima ku...

akan tetapi, lumrah manusia untuk menyatakan "enough is enough"... ku tidak mahu itu berlaku... kenapa ku amat sakit sekarang ini? apa salahku, apa dosaku untuk menerima dugaan ini ya Tuhanku yang Maha Adil?

Apa jua cubaan dan dugaan akan ku tempuhi, hanya ku minta padaMu untuk memberikan kudrat untuk mengharunginya.... ku redha akan keadaan kami sekarang... ku hanya boleh bersabar dan beristighfar.... janganlah Kau ambilnya daripadaku lagi...

please, i beg u to not to think about him anymore...... yang lepas, lepaskanlah... tiddak cukupkah ku merana dan makan hati disini....? atau pembalasan ini belum setimpal dengan apa yang ku pernah buat dulu....? astaghfirullah al 'azim.....................

Apa yang sebenarnya berlaku hari ini?

Let's recap on today's activity.... i wake up at 5am, blurred and don't know what to do. Then, 6.30am i took m shower... after that, get dressed and solat... then, around 7.15am i drove and dropped Waqar at YSIS... i was on my way to the hospital, heavy traffic congested the road... plus, lousy and 'kurang ajar' drivers was all over the place... ku memecahkan keheningan pagi itu dengan kata2 'power' dan tidak menyenangkan langsung.... they're really testing my patience...

arriving at the hospital, no parking... so many sick people nowadays... damnit! I went to the X-ray room and being x-rayed after waiting 1/2++ hour... it sucks... Then, they asked me to go to the S.O.P.D... Whatthehell is that????? after following instructions, arrived at the surgery clinic... i gave my referral letter, they asked me to sit... i sat d

own, another 10 minutes they called my back semata-mata meminta i.c.... i gave my i.c., they asked me to sit down again... another 10-15minutes, i was called again... they gave me the letter and i.c. and told me to come on 25th of january 2011... whatthefuck??? they made me waited just to say that i have to come again on the 25th??? i have things to do, i'm on practical... why do they like to waste my time just like that???

good thing my 'sister', Cheong Zhi Qing cheered me up today by showing improvement on her walking and standing... she was born prematurely and diagnosed with Diplegic Cerebral Palsy... for me, she is cute, adorable and clever... she doesn't want anybody else to take care of her except me and Amalina.... huhuhu... i love her and hoping to see her grow up normally... my short term goal is to make sure she can stand unsupported with her own 2 feet... Very easy for us normal people, but very hard for them the disa

bled...

so, was it worth it that i had a bad start for today? until now i'm feeling that i can't get rid of this frown on my face... why??? For me, Cheong Zhi Qing was the only person that can make me happy today... huhuhu.... many thanks for her... i'm sure i'll feel sad leaving this place, especially her........